The MSN Chronicles Vol. 4: Got stallion?

... Ok ladies and gentlemen, let's continue with the tour. Up here on the right we have some more jailbait, if you look closely you can see some bestiality and mutant horse children as well. This exhibit was put together by that much revered artist: Martyzillatron, the half dinosaur, half transformer bastard child of Megatron and Godzilla. The plaque reads as follows ...


scrooloose: howdy chum
hannah_diamonds_17: hey babe hru
scrooloose: your worst nightmare
scrooloose: (batteries not included)
scrooloose: additionally
scrooloose: i have a banana for a penis
scrooloose: you see, my real pork sword got shot off in the war
scrooloose: by a stray round from a m1 abrams tank
hannah_diamonds_17: ahh k...wanna have sex
scrooloose: of course
scrooloose: im always ready
scrooloose: thats the advantage of having a penis thats full of fruit, instead of blood
scrooloose: maximal erectile dysfunction
scrooloose: but in a good way
scrooloose: my giant banana is more effective than even the most potent herbal supplement at staying bonerized
scrooloose: infact
hannah_diamonds_17: ?
scrooloose: id even go so far as to say that, unless i got turned into a zombie and rigor mortis left my penis permanently bonerized, having a banana is the ultimate in boner technology
hannah_diamonds_17: ohk wanna get head?
scrooloose: if you ever get a sex change, you should tell then to skip the plastic surgery and just use a banana
scrooloose: baby
scrooloose: i cant let you give me head
scrooloose: you could literally eat my rodney clean off
hannah_diamonds_17: im pretty sure i wont i dnt like bananas..for now we can hook up babe
scrooloose: ok
scrooloose: let us engage in a role play
hannah_diamonds_17: u hav myspace?
scrooloose: here is the setting
hannah_diamonds_17: what
scrooloose: you are a hot young piece of highly illegal jailbait
hannah_diamonds_17: yep and i want your myspace
scrooloose: totally strapped for cash when a dirty old man spots you a hundy to have sex with the nearest barnyard animal
scrooloose: which is where i come in
hannah_diamonds_17: ohk....whats your asl
scrooloose: i am a 750kg wild stallion who happens to walk around the corner at that precise moment
scrooloose: ready?
scrooloose: ACTION
scrooloose: i walk up to you sporting the worlds longest boner, so long i could use it to pick my own nose
hannah_diamonds_17: your scaring me
scrooloose: you stand there shaking in your skin while i trot up to you and start humping your leg with maximum vigour
hannah_diamonds_17: WHAT~
scrooloose: i snort a giant cloud of steam while you stand there babbling in disbelief
hannah_diamonds_17: ohk
scrooloose: then i mount you like only a powerful stallion can
hannah_diamonds_17: yep
scrooloose: i jam my foot long boner straight up your ass
scrooloose: while you stand there looking neutral
scrooloose: you offer no resistance as i make you my ass bitch
scrooloose: the rectal pounding continues for several minutes while you appear not to notice
hannah_diamonds_17: sure whatever you like
scrooloose: you bend over and take it without too much thought
hannah_diamonds_17: yep
scrooloose: meanwhile the lenses on my 1980's style cop shades fog up intensely from all the snorting i do while vigorously pounding your rectum into submission
hannah_diamonds_17: go away
scrooloose: suddenly i have a record breaking orgasm, shooting you off my cock and knocking you out against a brick wall
scrooloose: you come too several minutes later, drenched in a pool of horse spoof
scrooloose: shit, or should that be "you come to"... fkn grammar
scrooloose: ill rephrase
scrooloose: you REGAIN CONSIOUSNESS several minutes later
scrooloose: several months later you find you are pregnant with a sextuplet of sagittarius horse babies
hannah_diamonds_17: FUCK OFF YOUR SO ANNOYING
scrooloose: you spend the remainder of your life roaming free in the wilderness eating grass and making love to various livestock by moonlight
scrooloose: but when i say "the remainder of your life" i infact mean "the next three weeks"

Thats where she blocked me, but here is the response i was working on at the time

scrooloose: because the military naturally freaks out and carpet bombs the entire region you dwell in with your horse children with napalm they have left over from 'nam



Post game analysis

This conversation is dear to my heart.

For obvious reasons.

Fuck, ok so maybe it isnt that obvious, but, when im reading these conversations to my grandchildren at bedtime, i will always remember this particular one for being the first time I was effective enough to get blocked. I felt like id really achieved some kind of spiritual milestone.

Note: rigor mortis cannot leave a man with an infinite boner, and thank fuck! because otherwise live males would have no function in society (ZING!). Interestingly, I did discover, after some quick googling, that it is entirely possible for a corpse to get an erection though various means. Sadly, I didnt find anything to validate that scene in Clerks though.

Note: i am aware that 750kgs is probably way over doing it for a horse, but I have found msn trolling to be sort of like freestyle rap battling, as long as it flows nicely, has plenty of swearing and personal attacks, and a touch of bestiality, then it doesnt really need to make sense.