The MSN Chronicles Vol.5: the snowman, the mammoth & the jailbait

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good. evening. my. name. is. Lightspeed. Mofo. the. snail. and. I. am. guest. hosting. tonights. MSN. Chronicles.



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and im Rodney Boner! the mouse! holy shit mother fuckers do we have a great show lined up for you tonight! tell em about it Lightspeed!


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yes. tonights. show. is. tremendous.. we. have. three. random. people---


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including one sexy slut from Croatia! boy id like to get my paws into that bitches cheese!


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yes. Rodney. I. also. wouldnt. mind. plundering. her. goodies. *ahem*. three. random. people. who. will. be. obliterated. by. the. terrible. horror. of---


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*squeak*


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---martay. the. all. night. partay.


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you're damn fucking right Lightspeed! lets meet our first fucking contestant!


scrooloose: howdy chum
kaitlin_kaite_bear: hi
scrooloose: let me ask you that ancient philisophical question
kaitlin_kaite_bear: ok??
scrooloose: if we were having dinner with your parents, and i proceeded to throw you on the table before plundering your rectal cavity (doggy style) infront of them, would i be arrested?
kaitlin_kaite_bear: wat?
scrooloose: its a simple question luv
kaitlin_kaite_bear: can u put it in easyer words plz
scrooloose: *WARNING* *WARNING* Class 2 jailbait detected. Evacuate immediately. Evacuate immediately.
kaitlin_kaite_bear: wtf
scrooloose: well, your heard the computer lady, it seems that you have flagged as jailbait
kaitlin_kaite_bear: oh yer
kaitlin_kaite_bear: ur wired
scrooloose: and you, my dear, are a 2 year jail term waiting to happen
scrooloose: i must block you now
kaitlin_kaite_bear: ok i see
scrooloose: toodles
kaitlin_kaite_bear: bye
[Then I blocked her ass]


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crickey fucking dick Lightspeed! that little dyke-meister didnt know what hit her! neither do I! Lightspeed! help me out!


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do. not. worry. Rodney. my. little. chum., I. went. to. night. school. to. study. the. behavioural. patterns. of. the. genus. known. as. jailius. bayteus.


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wow!


lucija_vranjesevic: kaj ima ????
lucija_vranjesevic: what's up ?????
lucija_vranjesevic: hey
scrooloose: howdy chum
lucija_vranjesevic: how old are you
scrooloose: im 746 years old
scrooloose: i live in the freezing cold mountains
scrooloose: and im made of snow
lucija_vranjesevic: haha
scrooloose: im teh abominable snowman
lucija_vranjesevic: are you stupid
scrooloose: luv, im a fucking snowman
scrooloose: do you know how hard it is to think when your brains keep melting?
scrooloose: hell, do you know how hard it is to jack off a carrot?
lucija_vranjesevic: common
lucija_vranjesevic: please don't shit too much
lucija_vranjesevic: really
lucija_vranjesevic: tell me
lucija_vranjesevic: how old are you
scrooloose: snowmen dont shit you racist bitch, i cant take this abuse
scrooloose: i might actually cry
lucija_vranjesevic: come on
scrooloose: how old am i?
lucija_vranjesevic: yes
scrooloose: are you making sexual advances on me luv?
scrooloose: this behaviour is totally unacceptable
scrooloose: dont make me call the fbi
lucija_vranjesevic: you are really stupid
lucija_vranjesevic: who do you think i am
scrooloose: i think you are the tooth fairy
scrooloose: but my second guess would be the easter bunny
scrooloose: either way, youre shit out of luck
scrooloose: i dont have teeth
scrooloose: and i dont eat chocolate (it stains my head)
lucija_vranjesevic: stop
lucija_vranjesevic: and tell me how old are you
scrooloose: im sorry luv, im gonna have to block you now
lucija_vranjesevic: ok
lucija_vranjesevic: me too
scrooloose: i dont like to be stalked, especially when i have a strong suspicion that the stalking parties are infact jailbait
lucija_vranjesevic: stalked?
lucija_vranjesevic: are you crazy?
lucija_vranjesevic: i live in croatia how could i salk you
lucija_vranjesevic: stalk
scrooloose: im one paranoid snowbitch baby
scrooloose: toodles
[Then i blocked her ass]


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well he sure as fuck gave her the cold fucking shoulder!


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ahuh. ahuh. ahuh. Rodney. you. slay. me.


ruby_tuesday12: hi sxc
scrooloose: howdy chum
ruby_tuesday12: how r u
scrooloose: my testicles are itchy, and i have a dire case of hemorrhoids, but otherwise im good
scrooloose: u?
ruby_tuesday12: u horny at all?
scrooloose: the gland that controls my sex drive got shot off in the war, leaving me in a permament state of hornyness
ruby_tuesday12: ok
ruby_tuesday12: wut u wearin bby
scrooloose: im a wooley mammoth, im completely naked save for my giant shaggy fur
ruby_tuesday12: uh huh
scrooloose: and my cock is the size of a small lamp post, and its detachable (it got shot off in the war and when they sewed it back on they made it detachable so i could leave it at home when i went out to battle)
scrooloose: (for safe keeping that is)
scrooloose: asl?
scrooloose: wanna detach my cock and play some baseball?
scrooloose: what kind of woman doesnt wanna play baseball with a giant detachable cock?
scrooloose: ill tell you what kind
scrooloose: jay-ill-bayeet
scrooloose: gonna have to block you now princess
scrooloose: toodles
[Then i blocked her ass]


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well. that. is. all. we. have. time. for. this. week. folks. this. is. Lightspeed. Mofo.


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and Rodney Boner!


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for. The. MSN. chronicles., signing. off.


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chow!


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bye.









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*squeak* *squeak* Lightspeed wheres my cheeeeeeese! i lost my
favourite cheeeeese! awwww where is it! you arent hiding it again are you
Lightspeed! wheres my cheeeeese i fucking hate it when you go and hide my damn
fucking cheeeese! awwww Lightspeeeeeed!

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ahuh.

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Lightspeeeeeeeeed *squeeEak!*