The MSN Chronicles Vol. 11: B-Sides and rarities

Lately, I've been getting a lot of psychotic fanboys (even some cocksuckers that I know) adding me over and over with different fake emails so they can talk to me and store our conversations in their wank-o-dex for later. I would like you to know that I'm not some kind of e-whore you can come online and jack off to.

I'm a rapist.

Therefore, I'm announcing my retirement from professional MSN trolling as of today.

Naturally, I have lots of random left over conversations. It would be a shame not to post some of them since they are funny as fuck.

Behold the final edition of the MSN Chronicles.


cricketsam64: hi
scrooloose: howdy chum
cricketsam64: whats your name
scrooloose: rodney boner
scrooloose: well
scrooloose: thats my stage name
scrooloose: im a gay porn star you see
cricketsam64: i bet
cricketsam64: my name is Samuel
cricketsam64: what do u like
scrooloose: doggy is my favourite
cricketsam64: Doggy what?
cricketsam64: do u like any sports
scrooloose: doggy style
cricketsam64: ?
scrooloose: my favourite sport is, of course, that ancient classic Hide The Sausage
cricketsam64: yes
cricketsam64: mine is cricket
scrooloose: cricket bats and wickets can be put to excellent use in the gay porn industry
scrooloose: to say nothing of cricket balls which are nothing but humongous anal beads
cricketsam64: your right u have got a scrooloose
cricketsam64: are u really gay
scrooloose: absolutely, not only am i gay, but im world famous for it
scrooloose: look son, do i know you?
scrooloose: have we acted together or something?
cricketsam64: no
cricketsam64: go to hell
scrooloose: son
scrooloose: i will find you
scrooloose: and i will fuck you
[fucking homophobe blocked me]


I tried this next angle maybe half a dozen times with nearly identical results.

scrooloose: you have exactly one minute to give me an erection, or im gonna block you
jade150392: well fuck u coz im blockin u
[bitch had 12 seconds to spare]

Considering how often bitches (and guys) try to cyber with me, its strange how hostile they get when I open the conversation with it. Needless to say, none of them actually managed to give me an erection.



Speaking of giving me an erection, got some more snuff cyber here:

scrooloose: howdy chum
badassbabe322: hi... who is ths?
scrooloose: Megatron
scrooloose: asl?
badassbabe322: ooohhhkkk......16,F, perth
badassbabe322: yu?
scrooloose: 16 eh?
scrooloose: that makes you a giant pile of jailbait
badassbabe322: yer....
badassbabe322: wat?
scrooloose: i know what you're after luvy
scrooloose: but i tell you, i dont cyber with jailbait
badassbabe322: wtf
scrooloose: because i dont want to lose my ass virginity in jail to some fat mommas boy
badassbabe322: wtf are yu....
badassbabe322: dickhead...
scrooloose: but dont worry!
badassbabe322: yur the one thatz askin all random shit
scrooloose: you qualify for snuff cyber!
scrooloose: ready?
badassbabe322: wateva
scrooloose: ok
scrooloose: thats teh spirit
scrooloose: i walk over to you with an insane hardon
badassbabe322: i say.... yur rlly wierd.... who the fuck r yu
scrooloose: i wrap my hands around your insanely hard sculpted ass
scrooloose: and slip you tongue like no horse has ever slipped you tongue before
badassbabe322: i say fuck off im happy wif my bf
scrooloose: then
scrooloose: i reach down my pants
scrooloose: and pull out
scrooloose: my machete
scrooloose: and with one swift chop, i lop off your head
scrooloose: i take off my pants
scrooloose: and pick up your head
scrooloose: then i go to the kitchen and turn the stove on high
scrooloose: and boil a huge pot of water
scrooloose: then i chuck your head in and go take a good long shit
scrooloose: when i get back, all the skin and flesh has melted off your skull
scrooloose: i take your head out of the pot and stuff it in the fridge for 10 minutes or so to cool it off
scrooloose: then i pick up the top half of your skull
scrooloose: and proceed to skull fuck you through your right eye socket
scrooloose: soon i build up a frantic pace
badassbabe322: fuck off
scrooloose: and really start to get the pork sword nice and shiny
scrooloose: then i totally blow my load right into your cranium
scrooloose: it dribbles out your nose socket
scrooloose: then i toss your head in the trash and play some cod4 online
[she blocked me]



georgie_rox_porgie: who is this
scrooloose: I am zee son of zee vile Dracula
scrooloose: Count Boner Von Stoner
scrooloose: at your service
georgie_rox_porgie: I am really going to believe that
georgie_rox_porgie: r u there
scrooloose: exzellent, zen vee shall get along just fine :D
georgie_rox_porgie: where r u from and how old r u
scrooloose: i am from tranzilvainya. I am 423 year old
georgie_rox_porgie: aren't u meant to be at school
georgie_rox_porgie: can u please write back faster
scrooloose: no my son, i must go to zee night school
georgie_rox_porgie: someone told me that u r from melbourne
scrooloose: iz melbourne in tranzilvainya?
georgie_rox_porgie: where the hell is tranzilvainya
scrooloose: you fucking retard, its where all the transsexuals with speech impediments live
georgie_rox_porgie: oh I am so sorry
georgie_rox_porgie: but u don't need to swear over it
georgie_rox_porgie: r u there
scrooloose: look
scrooloose: are you going to offer me free sex or not?
[fag blocked me]



Yet more snuff cyber. This guy was actually disturbing. This should be in the previous edition of the MSN Chronicles, but I originally wasn't gonna post it at all.

pothed4lyfe_92: hu r u
scrooloose: howdy chum
pothed4lyfe_92: howdy
scrooloose: who the shizzle mcnizzle r u?
pothed4lyfe_92: im george hu r u
scrooloose: im suspicious
pothed4lyfe_92: y
scrooloose: 2 things
pothed4lyfe_92: wat
scrooloose: first, i suspect that you have a vagina and that either you're retarded and forgot your real name, or your parents are fucking assholes
scrooloose: second
scrooloose: i have a very strong suspicion that you are infact jailbait
scrooloose: the likes of which could land me a nice stint in teh clink
scrooloose: know what im sayin?
pothed4lyfe_92: im a boy im 16
pothed4lyfe_92: i have a dick
scrooloose: i see
scrooloose: if you are infact 16
pothed4lyfe_92: i am
scrooloose: then you should have no trouble solving this set of simultaneous equations:
scrooloose: 3f + 2c = 280 (1)
scrooloose: f + 4c = 260 (2)
scrooloose: you have 3 minutes
pothed4lyfe_92: fuk off im not a maths freak
scrooloose: 1 minute left baby
scrooloose: tick tock tick tock
pothed4lyfe_92: can i have sex wi u
scrooloose: depends
scrooloose: can you tell me what f and c are?
pothed4lyfe_92: no
scrooloose: then im sorry luv
scrooloose: no sex 4 u
scrooloose: anyway
pothed4lyfe_92: have u got a big cock
scrooloose: i dont describe my cock to people i cant fuck without endangering my rectal flower, u get me?
scrooloose: its only smart
pothed4lyfe_92: no but i will suck u hard and swallow
scrooloose: you see, i dont want a giant blackzilla cock jammed up my ass in jail
scrooloose: therefore, i must block you
pothed4lyfe_92: i wanna suck urs
pothed4lyfe_92: and are you in jail
scrooloose: join the club luv
scrooloose: chao
pothed4lyfe_92: im a boy
pothed4lyfe_92: and i wanna suck u hard
pothed4lyfe_92: and swallow ur cum
scrooloose: i see
pothed4lyfe_92: can i
scrooloose: you fucking sick fucker
pothed4lyfe_92: shut up n let me suck ur cock
scrooloose: id let you suck it all right
scrooloose: then id ram it down your throat
scrooloose: and piss in your lungs
scrooloose: you wanna drown in urine you little faggot?
scrooloose: now im really getting horny
scrooloose: might have to jack off to that image
scrooloose: make my own snuff porn
scrooloose: then id take a nice big shit and ram it in your dead mouth and work your chops so you chew it and get it all stuck in your teeth
scrooloose: holy fuck im gonna blow my load
scrooloose: then id sever your own cock, ram it up your ass and use it like a wooden spoon to stir the shit in your bowels
pothed4lyfe_92: well u want my fone numba so u can send me a pic of ur big cock
scrooloose: then take it out of your ass and ram it down your throat and into your stomach
scrooloose: and write on a post it about how you suck your own dead, shit nugget encrusted cock after its been rammed up your dead ass [and stick the post it to your head]
scrooloose: ohhhhhh
scrooloose: ohhh yeah
scrooloose: thats just what i needed to get off nigga
scrooloose: holy shit
scrooloose: well, this has been the greatest cyber of my life
scrooloose: now fuck off plz
[i blocked him]

[xxx] at the time I meant to type something like this, but I was raving so much shit that I completely forgot



nia_and_nards_bff: hi
nia_and_nards_bff: ..
nia_and_nards_bff: ..
nia_and_nards_bff: ...
nia_and_nards_bff: what country r u from
nia_and_nards_bff: ??
scrooloose: hi
scrooloose: im from your momma
scrooloose: im your long lost brother
scrooloose: omg how are you?
scrooloose: i havent seen you since we busted outta mommas snatch!
nia_and_nards_bff: what the hell
scrooloose: you look so much better when you're not slathered with afterbirth
nia_and_nards_bff: how old r u
scrooloose: dude
scrooloose: we're twins
scrooloose: im the same age as you
nia_and_nards_bff: shut up
scrooloose: omg i cant believe it
scrooloose: finally we meet
nia_and_nards_bff: your weird
nia_and_nards_bff: are you from america
nia_and_nards_bff: ???
scrooloose: silly
scrooloose: i already told you where im from
scrooloose: i guess i was the twin that got the brains
nia_and_nards_bff: how old am i
scrooloose: lolcano
nia_and_nards_bff: what?
nia_and_nards_bff: (N)
scrooloose: why do you ask?
nia_and_nards_bff: because
nia_and_nards_bff: hello
nia_and_nards_bff: ...
scrooloose: because what?
nia_and_nards_bff: how old am i
scrooloose: why do you ask?
nia_and_nards_bff: i want to no if you no
scrooloose: you fucking dipshit
scrooloose: are you actually entertaining the notion that im your long lost brother?
scrooloose: what are you fucking retarded?
nia_and_nards_bff: how old are you
scrooloose: im sorry i dont talk to robots unless they have luscious robot lips wrapped around my cock and are asking me whether they should suck harder
[pussy blocked me]



evil_girl666: hay
scrooloose: howdy chum
evil_girl666: wot???
scrooloose: lawlz
evil_girl666: ok
scrooloose: you better not be older than 10
scrooloose: i dont like to have sex with girls in teh double digits
evil_girl666: 12
evil_girl666: not gonna happen!!!!!!
scrooloose: damn :(
scrooloose: c u
[i blocked her]